A fertility update...

A lot of people ask...and even more don't, probably because they don't want to pry. I usually don't mind when someone asks, because there isn't much to tell and I try my hardest to suppress emotion about the whole thing. There hasn't been much I can do but wait and be patient. But the whole process has been too much for me lately and I have to talk about it. I am so sad I feel disabled. I can't seem to force the emotion away from my body. My monthly friend came and it is more than I can bare this month. Usually I expect it and it's not hard to get over the little disappointment I feel each month. (I keep hoping for a miracle.) Something was different this month though...I just had a feeling this could be it. (Maybe it was the 5 pounds I gained and can't seem to get rid of : ). I am devastated. I think maybe I'm finally just starting to accept and come to terms with the fact that I can't get pregnant. I knew...the doctors told me and Austin...people have told me...offered their advice...but somehow I guess I must have been in denial this whole time still, even though I didn't think I was. Still hoping for a miracle. I am, in fact, going to have to get surgery and we are going to have to go through with this whole fertility thing. I'm nervous and scared...I'd be lying if I didn't say that. I know it will be alright and my faith and hope are the only things that see me through. I am so grateful for Austin and my family...especially my sisters. Again, what would I do without them? Anyway, I'll keep everyone posted on the blog...I hate having to repeat the story a million times. Love you all. Thanks for your support and friendship.