Some trials are small, some are big. Sometimes life is hard and sometimes it's easy. As I have learned in the last few years (and many times throughout my life) you have to really cherish the easy times. Sometimes we just cruise through life and everything falls into place...you have the midas touch...can do no wrong. I LOVE those times. Who doesn't? Then sometimes it's the exact opposite. Everything truly happens for a reason even if you only see it in hind-sight. I'm kinda funny because when I first learned that it wasn't going to be easy to have children, I really just kind of sat myself down (in a manner of speaking) and told myself I could get through this...I would get through this, and without freaking out or getting down or even worse, without placing blame. I really thought if I had enough faith, kept a positive attitude, prayed, read scriptures, went to church and the temple that I would get pregnant because of those things alone. I literally thought I could will myself to get pregnant. This all really isn't coming out right but I think you know what I mean. Anyway, sometimes we have to go through tough trials to learn a certain lesson...we all know this. I finally came to the point I didn't want to get to...the point where I was asking why, why me, why us, haven't I been through enough in my life? It wasn't until I arrived at this point that I've even begun to get the answer. The surprise is, it's not the answer I was asking about but an answer nonetheless. In fact answers would be the more appropriate word, answers that I needed, answers that will help me in my life WAY more than really knowing the reason why I'm not pregnant at this very moment. At this time in my life I rely on my savior not only every day but to get through every moment. I need him and he is there for me. He provides comfort where every worldly outlet has failed me. I've been cruising through these last 3 years with a false sense of what faith really is. What faith really takes. I love my savior and am so grateful for the knowledge I have and will hopefully continue to gain. We are never finished learning and growing. I've said it so much in the past and I'll say it again...I love my family beyond words and don't know what I would do without them. I also tell my husband I love him every day but want to say it again. I love him. I thank my lucky stars every day he is a part of my life. He makes each day brighter. He is the glue that holds me together. My heart flutters every time he grabs my hand. He has such an easy way about him and an amazing way to look at things that my very emotional, hormonal self can't comprehend sometimes. I can't believe how lucky I am to be able to take this journey with him. When I get down he reminds me of all the ways we are blessed and he's right...WE ARE SO BLESSED. I don't know what else I am supposed to take away from this experience and trial (other than what I've already learned) or how much longer it will last but I know that with the help of my savior I can face and get through anything...even if it doesn't turn out how I've hoped. So, you won't be seeing anymore "poor me" posts...at least, not until my next melt down. I have a GREAT life and am so thankful to those of you who have been such positive, unwavering examples to me. You know who you are...
Love ya.
