Conforming...

When I was younger, I was the girl who was never going to conform. I wanted to be and would be a career woman. An education and a career were at the forefront of my mind and having a family would just work itself in there somewhere. I was the girl who wanted to work when I had kids…no need to lose my identity right? I set high goals with career, money and lifestyle in mind. I wanted to accomplish something and feel that boost when I told people what I did for a living. I was that girl. I would not conform. I would never be “just a mom”.

NOW, all I want is to conform. I want nothing more than to be a stay at home mom. I never knew how much I wanted it until I almost couldn’t have it. Having a child has been and will always be, no matter what, my biggest accomplishment. If I can raise a good, polite, hard-working child, then there is nothing in this world, or that this world has to offer, that can out-do that. I want to downsize, I want to simplify, I want nothing more than to say I’m “just a mom”. We are working hard to make that happen. It may take some time, but I know that it will happen. I NEVER thought I would feel this way, but then, I had never had a child before. Life has been good to me, and I’ve always said that it just keeps getting better. Now that I have a child, it is truer than ever. I have an all consuming, unconditional love and joy in my life. Sometimes I think I might burst at the seams I have so much love. I’m so grateful for the opportunity and blessing of being a mother. I can’t even express in words how grateful I am to have gotten this opportunity.

lounging in our jammies

10 months!!

The last 10 months have flown by and Austin and I find ourselves constantly telling our little guy to stop growing!! We love him so much and have had so much fun watching him grow and learn. At 10 months old Trevor enjoys playing with anything (hangers, empty water bottles, neclaces, etc) except his actual toys. He crawls everywhere and is super fast!! He loves to pull up on furniture and cruise along it. He is definitely a boy and loves to bang his toys together or on the floor, window and well...just about any hard surface. He has learned to walk holding on to a toy stroller and thinks he is the coolest kid around when he's walking. He enjoys getting into things he shouldn't be into and trying to play with chords while looking right at us and gets mad when we tell him no! At his 9 month doctor visit he weighed in at 16.5 pounds and measured 27.5 inches landing him in the 8th percentile!! He's our little shorty and we couldn't be prouder parents :).
He is sleeping through the night (most nights) pretty well, which is great for mom and dad!! The poor thing is going through major separation anxiety these days, which is a little hard, but sometimes cute. He gets mad when he thinks we are going to leave him with someone, but sometimes he'll be playing and stop to look around to see where we are. Then he'll crawl over to give us hugs and go back to playing. It's rare that he'll fall asleep in our arms anymore, so when it does happen, we cherish the moment. Austin and I are trying to enjoy each moment and each stage of his life as much as possible and couldn't be happier to be parents of this little guy. (I'll post pictures as soon as I figure out how to. Blogger won't let me post them these days.)

Christmas 2012

You know, people always tell you that the holidays are better when you have kids. I used to think to myself, well, they can't be any worse that's for sure. Okay, let me explain that last statement. As I've grown older, for some reason the holidays have become times to endure through instead of enjoy. I don't know how I got to that point, but I truly couldn't wait for Christmas to get over with so I could stop going bankrupt and start saving money again. I really would just look around and think what a shame it is that everyone is willing to knock you down to get that last toy, or that people feel obligated to literally go into debt to make sure that everyone gets a present. That is so not what Christmas is about and it always, without fail, left a bad taste in my mouth. I, for the last several years, have been happy to leave the holidays behind and get back to life. How sad.
Well, I think I can say that this Christmas was the best Christmas ever!!! It's true, when you have a child, everything changes and the holidays are no exception...and I didn't even go bankrupt! We had the good fortune of having Austin's mom, brother and 9 year old niece join us for Christmas this year, which made it even more fun and special. But, nothing compares to the joy on Christmas morning of watching our little Trevor open presents and be so excited to get new toys. He's far too young to understand who Santa Claus is, or even the true meaning of Christmas for that matter, but watching his face light up when we allowed him to rip open presents will make me smile until we get to do it again next year. It truly transported me back to the excitement of my own childhood when I could hardly sleep from all the excitement and would sneak to get my stocking at 5 a.m. It made me remember to lighten up and not take life so seriously. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and let the true spirit of Christmas happen naturally.

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6 months and still in la la land!!

Yes, yes, I am one of those annoying people that still thinks having a baby is AWESOME! I am still in la la land and loving [almost] every minute of it :). I say almost, because I am willing to concede that there are hard days and hard times, but man, I just love being a mom and I am loving my little family and I am REALLY loving the fact that, yeah, maybe we are boring, but there is nothing else I'd rather be doing then hanging out with my little guy and my man. He's grown so much, it's unbelievable. I swear, he gets bigger every day. At 6 months old he weighs in at 14.6 pounds and measures 25.5 inches long.
Here's some of my favorite pictures:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still so in love...

Sometimes you just have to write things down after they happen. I'm so forgetful these days and wish that I would do this more often. Last night, Trevor (who has been sleeping 8 to 10 hours a night) woke up at 2:00 a.m. I heard the cries on the baby monitor and I started to stir a little when all of a sudden Austin (who is usually dead to the world once he goes to bed) jumped up and exclaimed that he would get the baby and feed him. With barely enough time to register what was happening, I put my head back down and went back to sleep. This afternoon we met for lunch, which we do every day because I can't go a whole 8 hours without seeing Trevor. While we were eating Austin told me that before he went to bed last night he read an article about a 1 month old baby that was shaken to death. My eyes got a little misty, as they often do when I hear these kinds of stories, and I told Austin how sad that made me. He told me that when he heard Trevor crying he wanted to be the one to feed and comfort him because the story had made him so sad and he loves him so much. I thought that was so sweet and completely understood the sentiment. Little Trevor gets hugged and kissed a million times a day and it is never enough. We love him so much!!! Austin told me he wants 3 more just like him. It really puts things in perspective when you read stories like that. We have so much love to give and want to give it to more children. I really hope we get blessed with more. I am so grateful to have such a loving and attentive man be the father of my child. I'm so lucky and I know I need to keep these little gestures in mind when I get mad over stupid things. It's this kind of love and security that really matters.

THE FIRST 3 MONTHS

I can't believe how fast time goes and I am so mad at myself for not updating the blog sooner. There are so  many moments I wish I would have written down, but here are some that stand out in my mind...
My little guy has gotten so big but I still hold him in my arms as much as I can. At 3 months old he weighs in at approximately 10.5 lbs and is close to 22 inches long! He is growing so fast and it seems he changes daily. That little stinker didn't start sleeping through the night (6 hours) until he was 10 weeks old, but that's ok. I only get up once a night most of the time now, but it's amazing how tired I can still be because of it...probably because I am a light sleeper these days. He smiles and coos all the time now and I love putting him on his blanket to play with him. He still hates being on his stomach and has almost rolled from stomach to back because he gets so mad, lol. We blessed him in our home at 3 weeks old. It was magical. The spirit in our home that day was strong and I cried through the whole blessing. He does this thing in his sleep where he'll smile really big and then chuckle silently to himself. His whole body shakes with this silent laughter. I love it, it's like a private little joke that only he knows about. We went through a few weeks where he would get fussy for a few hours a night, but other than that he is a really happy baby. I still can't express how happy I am in words, I'm sure all you moms out there know just what I'm talking about. I got to experience my first mother's day!!! Actually, it was the day of my first major melt down. I was so exhausted from getting up every 3 hours that it all came crashing down on me. Good thing Austin is patient and sweet. He made me breakfast and bought me flowers, two shirts and some new work-out pants. It ended up being a great day and we went to my parents house for dinner to polish it all off. Trevor got his first round of shots at his 2 month appointment and ended up getting really sick afterward. I think I've decided to wait until he is a bit older to continue with immunizations. It's hard to believe, but I am back to work full-time. I thought for sure Trevor wouldn't be able to go a day without me, but he did just fine and I came home to a happy, healthy baby. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be for me either. I didn't even cry, but that's probably due, in part, to the fact that Austin was home taking care of him while I was at work. I just don't think I could drop him off somewhere just yet. Austin and I take pictures of Trevor almost on a daily basis and crack up at how cute he is when he's smiling, laughing, cooing and even when he's being ornery. Trevor has decided he hates being in his carseat, and even screams for a while until he's lulled to sleep by the movement and sound of the car. I bought a baby bjorn for walks and to get things done around the house when he doesn't want to be put down. BEST INVENTION EVER!!! We took Trevor on his first road trip to Tahoe at 2 weeks old. He did great and slept most of the time. I haven't shed the last of my baby weight yet, I definitely don't want to get in a swimsuit any time soon, but I realize how much more important it is to take care of the needs of  my baby right now. I love him so much and love having a little family. I feel so blessed and never realized how important the job of being a mother is. I am so glad that I get to have this experience.

 The first smile we caught on camera

 Sporting his new sunglasses

 Sleeping in mom and dad's bed.

 Bath time!

 Wrapped up in his shark towl :)

 Naked baby!

 Love his matching pajamas and beanie

 Snuggling with dad

 Getting so big

 Such tiny hands

Holding dads finger...so sweet!